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MXG article on Carly (they asked her to record 4 days in
her life)
.day 1.
 It's
friday and today Im flying back to Vancouver. I'm at work right now
concentrating way too hard on averting my focus from what awaits me at
home: my mom, my dad, my two brothers, my boyfriend, my friends (the ones
who have yet to go back to school), my life up until two months ago. I'm
extrememly anxious get back. And no matter how hard I try to pretend like
I'm okay here, the thought of home reminds me of all the reasons I
thoroughly miss Vancouver. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love everything
I'm doing here, I absoluelty do. I love my job, the people I work with,
the people I've met, I love the heat,etc. I just dont think that i was
completely prepared to fly south. It's really hard being, well just 19,
and being on your own. When you're not ready to take that step, it's one
of the most frightening things to do because I didn't have a choice; I HAD
to move down. But I have to look at it in a constructive way, and I think
that's going to be the most effective and healthy way to look at this trip
home. Despite it's brevity, it will give me an opportunity to say "see you
soon" tio my life in Vancouver. You see, I'm not able to say goodbye. I
never have been and I never will be. It's just too finite for me, and it's
not very copacetic to my personality. Going home will be like finishing a
book you couldn't put down the entire time while at the same time you
couldnt wait to read the next book by the same author. For now, to
continue the analogy, I've finished the first book and I'm onto the next.
However, there is no doubt in my mind that I will be reading that initial
book over and over and over again.
.day 2.
So today, I'm officially
19,and, in Canada, I'm officially an adult-pretty scary, I know. But today
pretty much justifies the reason I came back in the first place. This is
actually a significant birthday, and I don't think I could have gotten
away with not coming home. I have to say I had an absolutely beautiful
day. My day began with a journey with my brother to the Urban Fair. The
Urban Fair is a combination of a really eclectic healthy supermarket and a
sit-down cafe in one of the most newly developed and beautiful areas of
downtown Vancouver. Next was my big surprise, courtesy of my boyfriend.
The whole week I was racking my brains trying to figure out what he had
planned for the afternoon. But no matter how hard I tried to convince him
or how much I whined, he just would not tell me. And he kept our plans
very well hidden. After circling the neighborhood repeatedly, just to make
the suspense that much more unbearable, we finally arrived. He had taken
me to the annual Shakespeare Festival, which is called Bard on the Beach,
to see A Midsummer Night's Dream. It was absolutely wonderful and very
mind-nourishing. Now as far as gifts on my birthday go, I'm a really bad
receiver. I'm much more grateful to give than to receive, which sounds
ironic. But it's hard for me to be the center of attention, which also
sounds ironic, considering the industry i've chosen to be a part of. But I
think that's the difference: When it's work, it's work; when it's
personal, it's personal. And I can definitely differentiate between the
two. The gifts that I did receive were all so unbelievably personal and so
far from being materialistic, which was wonderful because it just made for
such a beautiful day. But I think the most pertinent or at least the most
thought provoking gift I received was this article from a local Vancouver
magazine called Common Ground. The premise of the magazine is to
promote inner peace through holistic healing, meditation, homeopathy and
reflection. But instead of explaining what I gained from reading it, I
think i'd like to share it with anyone willing to gain from it as well. I
can guarantee that whether or not you believe in its philosophy, you will
have something to contemplate. Well, actually, I lied, I must say that
what I learned from it was that all interaction is a sharing of energy and
that inevitably we each gain something by sharing with others what we
already possess. Letting go of the past frees you from it's negative
effects. Most of us do not live at all in the present. If we did, we would
be happy. To live in the future is to live in fear. To live in the past is
to feel guilt, bad, and unworthy. At least 98% of the pain you feel is old
pain that is triggered by something that is happening now.
 The old patterns of pain are
waiting to be unearthed and healed. To see someone in the present moment
is to see them as if you were meeting them for the first time. It is to
not hold the past against them. This allows you to see them in a new
light, and it allows them to show how they have grown. Most of us are
living with the past dictating what the present is... our present is held
hostage by our past. Only by leaving the past behind do we have a chance
of being happy. It is truly only the past we are healing.It is truly only
our "perception" of the past that calls to be healed. Exercise: Today
concentrate on seeing those you dislike in a new light, and present. Even
if you spend time with someone you dislike today, let each moment go as it
passes and see only the present. If you cannot let this grievance go, ask
yourself what you must have been feeling to act in that fashion. Would you
blame yourself for that behavior knowing what feeling generated it?
.day 3.
The day itself was absolutely wonderful. It was raining, and I was in
complete bliss. That just sounds absurd, but honestly, I guess because
I've missed the Vancouver rains for so long, there was nothing better than
to feel, see and smell the rain falling. A true Vancouver day - very
nostalgic. The best part of the day was at night when a bunch of us went
to see a show at the local nightclub. The person performing was Rahzel,
and he is a member of The Roots. He is also renowned for his human
beat-box skills, and he is absolutely incredible. He can literaly beat-box
and sing lyrics at the same time,and his skill is just remarkable. It was
a really, really cool show to go see, but I think he's the type of person
you have to experience for yourself in order to really appreciate his
talent. But it is definitly recommemded.
.day 4.
 I woke up tooo early
this morning, and I am still seeing double from my puffy tired eyes. I
just really feel absolutely tragic and unhealthy from being in that
nightclub last night. I'm sure all you non-smokers will agree with me that
being in a confined area with people chain-smoking around you is not the
most pleasant feeling. But now I have a new week ahead of me full of
cleansing possibilities. When I got to the airport, it was really
difficult to say goodbye to my family. Despite the fact that customs
basically says you have to go to the point of no return as soon as your
bags are tagged, I hung around for a bit longer. I'm not usually so
defiant, but I just needed a little bit of extra time to figure out what
was happening inside. I figured this: I've got the most phenomenal
nucleus, if you will, in Vancouver, comprised of family, friends, and a
significant other. And their presence in my life is so essential. But what
I discovered is that their presence need not be manifested physically.
They inevitably are always going to be present physically in my life,
because I share such beautifully touching and special things with each
person. I also realized that I need ot be afraid to go back to Los
Angeles, because right now I've got that same nucleus forming there. And
the common denominator everywhere is support. Remember that analogy I made
about the two books by the same author? Well, the author, I guess is that
support group of friends and family and my boyfriend. And each book
follows a different storyline - though all in all books have a very
congruent theme, and that is Carpe Diem, seizing the day, living
each day moment to moment and enjoying every minute of it.
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